Never Irritate

"I am very surprised to see one of your kind up here near my lair. Usually your type fears me and spends your time spreading vicious lies and rumors about me and my relatives. Oh, I've heard those stories; we're all mad killers, ravishers, preying upon the weak and vulnerable."

"Well, now please, let's not get all worked up and in a huff. I was sent up here to speak with you in good faith. And what with your tendency to eat other species and the destruction of the village below, you have to admit, there is cause for concern. Why, I understand you personally devoured each and every young person around these parts, as he or she reached puberty, and you were particularly fond of the young maidens."

"Now that is exactly what I have been talking about. False stories like that just irk me. I am not a carnivore. I am a vegetarian. I have never desired the meat of any species not do I crave any now. However, give me a young sycamore, mixed with a few lilacs and a side of strawberry bushes, and I am one happy being. It just burns me to hear those lies tossed around about what I supposedly have done to your kind. I am not a mean-spirited being."

"I am certainly pleased to hear this report from you. However, just to be on the safe side, I did thrust up my little sister, the annoying young mouthy thing that she is, and I have her tied to a pole stuck in the ground right over there to the left of you, just in case you might get hungry and want a snack while we're talking. You know, I've kept up on all the legends about your deep desires for young innocent virgin girls and I do want you to be happy while you're staying here in our neighborhood."

"You are not paying attention at all, and you are also really irritating me. I told you, I am a vegetarian. I do not have any desire for meat. I truly do not comprehend the simple-minded nature of your species. How, even if I was a being that craved meat, do you get to this young innocent virgin female sexual nonsense? If I wanted meat as a beast, I would surely take meat, period. Well, I might differentiate between young fresh tender meat and old tough stringy meat, but beyond that, why bother? And as for our younger sister you brought me as a sacrifice, my very acute senses indicate to me, checking both you and her out - one, she's no virgin, and two, as far as innocent, you're closer to that status than she is."

"Well, I'll just be cutting sis loose here and... hey, there no reason to be slapping me sis. I let you go. Damn, some people just don't know when to be grateful. Anyway, we'll be going now. Sorry to bother you. If you ever want another sacrifice, let me know and I'll bring a couple girls up for you; no problem."

As he walked down the path, away from the lair, he was immediately engulfed in a searing flame which brought him to a halt, and a well-done status. The sister, further down the path, stopped to watch, expressionless. The flame withdrew and the beast approached the still standing man.

"You really irritated me. I said I do not desire meat. I did not say I would not ever try it. I often wondered what a standing rib roast would taste like."