Never Irritate III

As our story opens, we find our friend sitting outside his cave munching on a couple hind quarters, carrying on a conversation with his dear friend, the sister of the departed SRR. His friend, whose name was Sue, as it turned out, was bringing him up to date on local events. She also helped, well sort of, prepare the two hind quarters for her friend (schmucks).

As they conversed, a salesman wandered up the path and stopped near them. Sue said, “Go away.” But of course, he didn’t.

Our good friend also encouraged departure by frowning, leering, and growling, but the salesman, like his breed, just stood his ground. “Good afternoon,” he exclaimed, “and it is a lovely day indeed. May I have a few moments of your time?” Of course, he didn’t really care if they wanted to provide a few moments or not, which they most certainly did not. So with the formalities out of the way, he immediately launched into his pitch.

Sue tried once more to dissuade the obnoxious man from irritating her friend, which, as we know tends to fire him up a bit. However, he would not be put aside and continued on. In fact, he dismissed Sue by saying, “Missy, why don’t you just go sit your pretty little behind down over yonder and we men will be with you by and by. Don’t worry; we’ll take care of you if you’re good – we’ll take real good care, won’t we brother.”

Feeling the campfire suddenly being built anew, the salesman turned his attention back to the other participant. Our friend had developed a strange glint in his eye, a narrowing of the orb shall we also point out. Glancing at Sue, he said while ignoring the salesman for a moment, “I have been most impolite. What kind of host am I? Here I have sat eating hind quarters ‘til I nearly burst [though who’d a thought middle age meat would be that tender?]. Let me prepare you a delicious order of ribs.”

Sue laughed, most heartily, quickly agreed to this, saying “I don’t think I’ve ever had your ribs prepared for me. I am so looking forward to this. I can feel the fire arising before me right now.”

The salesman, listening to the request, and not to be ignored any longer, burst in and said, “You know, I like my ribs as well as the next guy. Why should she enjoy them and not me?”

Our friend agreed and acquiesced to his request.